stupid brain.

i'm depressed again. argh.

one of the things i hate about depression is how relentlessly inward-focused it is. it makes you so stupid and selfish. all you can think about is yourself. i mean, really, suicide is probably one of the most selfish and arrogant acts there is. you have somehow convinced yourself that ending your pain is more important than the pain you'll cause everyone else by killing yourself. or you've convinced yourself that there's somehow something so utterly wrong with you that the world will actually be better off without you. that's an insane (pun intended) amount of arrogance, if you ask me.

that doesn't mean that i don't stand there with a bottle of percocets in my hand seriously considering taking every last one of them. it just means that when i manage to pull my stupid brain out of its depressed fog, i feel disgust at myself. which leads to more depression and so on.

stupid brain chemicals. behave for once :P