making space.

i am not a very spontaneous person. i don't like surprises or snap decisions. in fact, react very badly to surprises. i tend to freeze up and panic. this causes me to attempt to plan my days out, often by the minute, so i have a nice, predictable schedule that keeps squishyness and unpredictable event to a minimum.

this also means i tend to schedule myself tightly, and, because life is life, i end up running late a lot. but lately i've also noticed it's costing me opportunities. this is probably because it's summer, but when i'm, say, driving to work, because i have the commute planned down to the minute (hello, OCD!), i don't have the time to, say, stop by a farmer's stand and pick up some juicy ripe tomatoes.

but more bothering, i don't have the mental space to do it. i may drive past the stand, see the tomatoes (or corn or peaches or whatever), and think, "wow, they look yum," but i won't stop to buy some. not necessarily because i'm running late or because i don't have the money, but because often i'm not, but because it wasn't in my plan when i walked out of the house. i miss hitting the bakery a lot too.

i don't know if there's anything i can actually do about this; it seems an intrinsic part of my personality.

maybe i just need to start planning to be more spontaneous.

happy birthday?

the kitty is 4 years old. somewhere around this time of year. or something. i'm not sure he knows any better anyway. but at least he's finally found a scratching post that he likes. he is, however, still dumb. cute, but dumb. he seems happy, though, and i suppose that's all that really counts.

everyone together now: awwwwwwww.

reductio ad absurdam.

it's even coming to science. one of the things i've been pondering recently is what post-modern science will look like. science is the ultimate enlightenment discipline, with its emphasis on reduction, and its power granted by the liberation from the medieval insistence that questioning was an inherent sign of a lack of Faith.

mushy genetics.

i think one of the reasons i'm so intrigued by astrophysicis is probably because it doesn't really require as much reductionism as, say, biology. it looks for answers, yes, but in many cases, it has to be comfortable with ambiguity. perhaps with the infusion of post-modernism into the scientific world, people will become more interested in answering those questions and less concerned with, say, the GUT.

i dunno, somehow this excites me. i'm more than ready to throw off the linear, structural restrictions of the enlightenment world.

this will probably get me into trouble someday.

sand, sun, and so forth.

we are going to the shore tomorrow. yay!

it's not quite the week we used to spend there when i was a little kid, but at least we're going this year. i really miss it. summer just doesn't seem summer without a trip to the shore.

summer drinks.

note to self: earl grey tea makes a really nice iced tea.

i will have to make more.

holiday.

whee, independence day.

i don't think many people really give any thought to what that really means. most of the countries/nationalities in the world don't have a specific date they can point to and say, "there. that's when our identity fundamentally changed." because that's really what we're taking time to observe here. a fundamental change in how we identify ourselves.

it's very trendy right now to downplay any significance of the united states of america at all, but if nothing else, i think this country has done that much. it proved that you can create your own identity. you don't have to be stuck with the one everyone else gave you.

even though it was wrapped in the very center of enlightenment values, the creation of this country as an independent country was sort of the first blow towards the end of the enlightenment and its rigid structure of authority of knowledge.

or i could just be thinking way too much for my day off work. enjoy the fireworks.